To Fly Through a Blue Sky
by TheHallow
Summary: A one shot in which Peter Parker grieves, and Flash is there to listen. Cue in the Peter Parker bashing. Set during the Amazing Spider-man 2. Warning: Movie Spoilers and some swear words.


Warning: Amazing Spider-man 2 spoilers.

Set during the movie.

for those who have seen it I am sure that you can recognize when it is in that unbelievably sad montage scene of depressing, heartbreaking, gut wrenching aftermath of despair for Peter Parker because of... you know... the _incident_. Onward to depressing Peter Parker bashing!

* * *

The truth was he didn't know if there was life after death.

Was there a heaven, or a hell? He had never really contemplated believing them before.

He was a scientist and scientists only believe in things that are scientifically proven. They already know that the Earth's core is molten lava, could that be hell? There was a sky above them, so was that heaven? He had absolutely no idea. But he hoped that there wasn't.

It just seemed cruel if there was. They were separated by death, and he can only remember her, while there is a possibility she could be watching over him. Just like how he would watch her. And if she was watching over him from some afterlife in the clouds, then that was hardly heaven. But, at least, she can see him, because he can never see her again. She's gone. She's gone and it was his _entire_ fault.

He continued to stare up at the blue winter sky, the dry grass tickling his hands. Usually a blue sky would make him happy. When he was a kid he used to try to imagine what it was like to fly, or maybe jump high enough just to soar a little. At least to pretend to soar. Just enough to glimpse at what it was like. But now the cold blue sky only reflected his grief. And he couldn't do anything about it. He hated this. He hated all of it. It wasn't supposed to _be_ like this! He should be in England right now, maybe looking for a job, maybe fighting crime.

But he would never fight crime now. No, he hated that most of all. Spider-man. He hated him. It was The Spider's fault.

"Parker."

He felt somebody sit down next to him on the grass. The only clue he had were a pair of Nike track pants and basketball sneakers, and he knew exactly who it was. The track pants sighed, but Parker kept looking at the sky. Hoping that a miracle would come. That maybe his angel would fly down from the blue sky that he once had the audacity to call his.

The track pants began to chuckle a little morosely, "you know I couldn't have gotten away with anything when Gwen got involved," Peter could almost hear the sad smile that was most likely on track pants' face. "I used to take pride in the fact that I could strike fear into freshmen, but one look from her and I knew I was in trouble," He chortled, "she even took me to the principles office once!" he laughed.

"No way," Peter snorted.

"Yeah man, she personally took me to the principle's office!" track pant's laughed, "I never blamed her for it though, and I never picked on her for it either."

Peter couldn't help but smile, adding into the conversation, "there was this one time, I- uh- I snuck into Oscorp. Pretending to be an intern. And -uh- it turned out that she was already working there... as the head intern," he smiled when track pants gave a small "ooph" and a chuckle, "I was so surprised when she let me stay, of course right after that I ditched the group, snooped around, ended up in this super creepy room with spiders in it, and when I came back she kicked me out. She made me give her my badge and I totally felt like I was in kindergarten again."

They laughed something that grieved, "dude, she would let you get away with almost anything," he chuckled.

Peter looked over at Flash with a raised eyebrow.

"I said almost." He smirked quickly, but then his lips slipped only a little bit down into something more genuine, and his green eyes had this look.

It was a look of knowing, and Peter was very familiar with that look. He saw it multiple times on Gwen Stacy's face.

There was a quiet silence, as they stared back at each other. Peter admitted that it did seem kind of gay, but he couldn't stop analyzing Flash's expression. They sat there, watching each other, watch each other. It was the strangest eye contact that Peter ever had, and soon Flash's genuine smile and knowing eyes began to chill him. He knew why Flash was giving him that look. He knew exactly what that meant, and that scared him.

He _can't _know. He just c_an't. _

But he did. He knew he did. Flash knew, he had been giving him that look since before graduation. When Peter commented on his Spider-man shirt, and Flash replied with something similar to a "the chick's dig 'im." well if that wasn't a compliment as any. Flash _knew_, he knew. Peter knew he knew, and he was tired of trying to deny that Flash didn't know, because if he denied Flash knowing anything, then he wouldn't have to tell him. He wouldn't have to worry about his safety. But he was just so _tired. _

The air was already freezing cold but there wasn't a single breeze, it was all still and cold, and for some strange reason the cold felt good when his eyes stung as his grief over took him, he couldn't hold this in anymore. It hurt too much. He could not hold it in. There was no point in holding it back, Flash knew who he was, he could tell him what happened. He hadn't told anybody what happened. He wanted to tell somebody what happened. Desperately.

"I was there," Peter suddenly burst uncontrollably.

"I was there when she died. I was- I- I was going to catch her, I was almost there." His voice broke a little under the strain and he had to stop and swallow thickly. "I desperately scrambled to get to her, she was falling, she was watching me get to her, but... I was too late," he coughed, "I was one second too late." and suddenly he threw himself from his position on the cold ground into a sitting position, hiding his face in his hands.

Flash frowned at Peter's confession, but remained silent. That was the only comfort he could possibly give Peter, his silence. After years of yelling at him through the halls, silence was the best thing he could give him. Peter knew that as he wept into his hands pathetically, and he was thankful. He needed to talk. He had to tell _somebody _at least.

When Peter's sobbing finally died out, he made a slightly exasperated, "Gah," sound as he whipped his beanie hatted head in his hands. Peter could feel Flash's eyes on him as he looked out at the sky scrapers of New York.

"I was so _arrogant_," he blurted out, "I thought that I could do things that nobody else could, that I could save lives. That the power that was given to me, technically by my father, gave me a right to go around _saving_ people!" his voice rose in pitch, "and I did!" he scoffed as his throat sucked in uncomfortable cold air, coughing lightly into his fist.

Nodding his head as though he was confirming that he wasn't a _bad _person, "I did save lives, I saved lives everyday," his eyes were tearing up again, and he furiously swiped the angry tears on his shoulder, "but I couldn't save hers." He shook his head angrily, "I caught her one second too late," he hid his face in his hands again, looking down between his legs, "one fucking second, If I had caught her at least three seconds before that... she wouldn't have...oh god. She- oh god, oh god. oh god- she wouldn't have..." he made a gasping sound, his chest constricting, he couldn't hold this in anymore, he couldn't hold it, "she wouldn't have hit her head."

He could see Flash's face pale in the reflection of his glasses as new tears plopped onto the lenses, as he cursed and cried to a religion he didn't even believe in under his breath. God, he was so pathetic.

"I know you know." He confessed, whipping his head up again, "I know you know who I am, I wouldn't be telling you this otherwise." he began nodding his head again, trying to convince himself that it was okay to say these things. "if you didn't figure it out when I broke that backboard two years ago then you're dumber than I thought," his joke was something pitiful and Flash didn't even show if he was angry at it or not.

"That's when it happened you know," he was just on a roll of confessions.

"What happened? At the school gym?"

Peter shook his head "No, I mean at Oscorp, when I snuck in."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

There was a pregnant pause, and Peter knew that Flash had that question on his mind. He could just tell. Even through Peter's grief, even though he was barely hanging on to his sanity, he knew that Flash had the question on his mind, and he knew he felt guilty for even asking it at a time like this.

"So..uh... how- how did it happen?" and there was the question.

Peter sighed trying to keep himself from hiccuping, "Spider bite."

"Dude, are you serious?"

"Of course I'm serious," Peter laughed miserably, "Why wouldn't I be serious with something like that. Does it look like I'm not serious? Because I can tell you I'm being serious," he joked, as though for a second he was whole, as though he was still himself. But then he remembered that he wasn't and strangely he felt guilty for even pretending to feel whole.

It was too soon to feel whole. Far too soon.

"It was my fault. I went snooping around, and the room was locked. I wasn't supposed to be there, obviously." he sighed again, as though if he didn't take in a breath and exhale it, then he wouldn't breathe at all. "Ironically, the spider was of my father's invention." he continued anyways, keeping himself from choking on more tears, "The only reason why it worked, was because he had bred the spiders with human DNA. With his DNA, _my_ DNA. It won't work for anybody else but... me. Hell, I could have died! But all I got was a really strange cold," he laughed, inhaling cold air.

He looked over at Flash, who was giving him a look between excitement, pity, and a little bit of fear, and he couldn't blame him. He was just bursting with all these emotions, and at the same time Flash was excited about the fact that Peter Parker was Spider-man. Was Spider-man. Was.

"What are the odds, right?"

They both looked forward, Flash leaning back on his hands as Peter slouched forward on his knees. Both staring forward, both faces etched with various signs of grief. The cold blue sky was everywhere, it stretched far out behind the tall sky scrapers, and it matched with her tombstone. The curve of the granite, her name etched perfectly in swirled letters. Gwen Stacy. February 4, 1995 - June 1, 2014.

_My fault. My fault. My fault. _

He could blame a number of people... well he did blame one other person. He could blame his father, for creating those spiders in the first place, he could blame Captain Stacy for not dying, he could blame Captain Stacy for a good number of things actually, he could blame his Aunt May, for telling him he was a good person and that he was good enough for Gwen, he could blame anybody. He _wanted _to blame anybody.

He didn't want to blame Harry, he didn't want to blame himself.

But there was no point, they were both at fault. Harry killed Gwen, Peter killed Gwen. They killed Gwen.

_Our fault. Our fault. Our fault. _

God, why couldn't he just stop crying already.

"Why can't I just move _on!_" he nearly shouted, Flash almost jumped in surprise at his outburst.

He clapped Peter's shoulder and gripped it tight, Peter looked over at him with bleary red eyes, "You never will," was Flash's reply. Peter sniffled awkwardly, but he didn't shove off Flash's arm, and so Flash kept it there. Lightly stroking his thumb back and forth comfortingly against Peter's jacket. Strangely enough, Peter liked it. Although he would _never_ say it out loud, and the fact that this was _Flash_ the guy who threw punches at him, the guy who pushed him into lockers, hit his head with a basketball, threw his camera into a dumpster, this guy who is comforting him right now.

Peter scrunched up his brow questioningly, sniffling his tears away, "What- what are you doing here anyway?" he asked wiping his eyes with the palms of his hands.

"I was visiting," was all Flash replied, and upon Peter's even more curious gaze he sighed leaning his head back on his shoulders, "my mother."

"Oh" Peter said, he understood, at least a little bit. He can recall his mother, he can recall her love and her smiles. He can't recall her death, and that is where he doesn't understand. "I can't visit my mother," he said lamely, "Or my father," he gave a weird choking laugh, "hell, If I'm in a self pitying mood, I might as well get it all out now."

"My mother had cancer."

"My parents died in a plane crash."

"My aunt overdosed."

"My aunt can't pay the bills."

"My father beat me," at this Peter whipped his head at Flash, he only shrugged casually, which was kind of odd considering, "he's in prison now."

It went back and forth like that for a while, until finally they came out of their pity party and just listed things, things that involved likes and dislikes, hobbies, books, sports.

"I had a crush on Mary Jane," Peter snorted at that one, following with a, "Dude, she's my neighbor."

"I broke my leg once," followed by a questioning pause, and a sigh, "I was trying to see if I could fly from the swings," Flash burst out laughing, "Hey! I was six!"

"Dude, I didn't know you were _that _kind of kid!"

"Hey! It's not _that _funny!"

"Yes it is!" Flash cried mirthfully. They were beginning to get a few stares from some people visiting a grave when they decided it was time to leave the graveyard.

Peter had a bit of a difficult time leaving, like he always does. He gave one last goodbye to Gwen Stacy, before walking away with Flash Thompson throwing an arm over his shoulder.

"Hey if it makes you feel any better," Flash said with a sparkly smile, his eyes scrunching up, "I once thought that the words Disney were spelt Gisney." and Peter couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"How did you mistake _that!" _

"Hey! The way Disney wrote his D's looked a lot like G's to me!"

And for once Peter felt a little better leaving the Graveyard. He didn't feel whole, no he would never feel whole again. But he did feel better.

So when he looked up at that blue sky, he didn't feel like it was giving him grief. He felt _better._

* * *

(pardon my intrusion but I made a comment about something that seemed kind of "gay" to Peter Parker: There is nothing wrong with being gay, and I think that a lot of the spiderflash one-shots out there are absolutely adorable. I only put that comment in there because well... I thought that stare was kind of gay lol and then I thought that adding it in there was kind of appropriate and it totally gives a feeling of awkwardness and can totally be taken as spiderflash at the same time... even though I'm Team Gwen lol)

note: Okay, so I saw the movie when it came out on Friday... I was bawling at the end. I mean I knew she died! But god damn! It was so sad! and yet it was so beautiful! And then Andrew Garfield was like (INTERRUPTION FOR OMEGA SPOILERS JUST WARNING YOU PLEASE DON'T HATE ME) "stay with me, stay with me" cause he was in shock, but she was already gone and the couple in front of me were turning around to glare at me because I'm sobbing in the middle of the theater! TT^TT Forgive me for the spoilers! Please forgive me!

Although I have to admit that it is common knowledge for ANYONE who has read the Amazing Spider-man comics that Gwen Stacy does die. And the movie did a great job of staying true to her death.

I have to admit that Emma Stone has totally stolen my heart, she is my new favorite actress... along with Andrew Garfield because they're a couple and couples come in pairs. :3

I actually started writing this on my iphone, literally RIGHT after watching the movie. Which is why the beginning is so damn depressing XD Well I mean the whole thing is just a craze of emotions! Which is EXACTLY how I was feeling! haha I mean all weekend I was just walking around whimpering, "Gwe-he-he-heeeeeennn!" while my dad would randomly shout, "WHAT?" from the other room lol

Originally I was going to have this be a hallucination between Peter Parker and Captain Stacy, but instead Flash showed up so I just rolled with it.

Anyways! I know I told my followers that I wasn't writing anymore until summer... but it just happened! And then I couldn't help but finish and post it! I'm sure you understand :)

So tell me if you like it, if you didn't like it? If it is 100% bipolar and melodramatic, if I totally spoiled the movie for you, or if you bawled your eyes out like a pathetic baby.

TEAM GWEN! 3


End file.
